Nyeh I did it again
by TraditionalGaily
Summary: Behold! Follow Joey as his Brooklyn accent gets dragged into another disturbing adventure. Multiple head injuries and a wet nose nuzzling his knee later, Joey still doesn't know who Sheila is. Then there's Doma: Valon and Alister who hate one another and Rafael who despises both of them. And then there's the seal. Of Orichalcos.


**Author's Note:Set somewhere between Joey's Duel against Mai and his duel against Valon.**

 **Thanks to Littlekuriboh for keeping us entertained with your gobsmacking Abridged Series!**

* * *

Joey's world turned a disturbing shade of black as he was fighting for consciousness.  
The last thing he heard was an annoying Australian voice going: "Crikey! We've got ourselves a knob head."

When he finally regained consciousness he discovered his vision to be mildly disturbed; his surrounding smelled like an old rag. He bit into whatever fabric was blocking his sight. Yeah, tasted like an old rag too.  
Only now he realised that he was being dragged over a tiled floor, hands tied together. In fact he realised that he'd been dragged when his body came to a halt as his head bumped against a closed door.  
He waited quietly, the oppressive silence surrounding him only disturbed by the nervous coughs of his abductors.  
Joey was about to say something like: 'Alright you guys, where the hell are you taking me?' but instead all he managed to say was: "Nyeh."

"What's that?" one of his kidnappers wondered out loud.  
"I know that word," his partner in crime replied, "That's French for 'snow'."  
"Why would he say 'snow'?"  
"I don't know," the second abductor admitted bewildered, "Ask Rafael, he usually knows about this stuff."

Someone was rapping frantically at the door; Joey felt the vibrations booming in his skull since his head was stilled propped against the aforesaid door.  
Another awkward pause followed.

"Knock knock," someone exclaimed inappropriately cheerful.  
"Who's there?" a muffled voice replied.  
"An aussie idiot," the second abductor explained unnerved.  
"And his gay mate," the first abductor added, still in the same annoyingly joyful tone.  
"Piss off."  
"You guys do realise that I'm not going to open the door now," the muffled voice sighed downcast.

Once again Joey felt like saying something in the line of "Can anyone tell me what's going on here?" but all that protruded was another "Nyeh."  
"And stop saying snow, you poor excuse for a Brooklyn stereotype," snapped his second abductor in a shrill voice.  
"Snow?" the muffled voice repeated wonderingly as it approached the door, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We abducted the tosser Joey Wheeler," the Australian kidnapper proudly declared.  
There was a thudding noise as the door swung open outwards.  
"And now Rafael gave him a concussion," added the other abductor, his voice muted by the hand he hid his face behind.

As Joey was hauled over the floor he felt the anger boiling up inside of him. An anger so strong that you might even call it rage. Rage from a specific borough of the City of New York.

"Manhattan Rage!" Joey blurted out, his brain still affected by the massive blow he'd received from the door.  
"I don't know what a tosser is," one of his abductor's added puzzled, "but I agree with Valon."

Joey leaned back in the chair he'd been propped up against, bumping his elbows on a table in front of him.

"You still haven't told me what this is all about," the third voice noted.  
"Hey, that's what I was about to ask," Joey growled, "I'm the one being abducted here, you know."

"I'll tell you what this is all about, you giant wanker," Joey heard just before his head was freed from the cloth. He found himself face to face with an all too well-known rival. Valon was lounging in an office chair, his azure eyes resting on his opponent, steepling his fingers in a menacingly way, or at least what he thought to be a menacingly way. Actually it made him look real cute, Joey had to admit.

"Hey, I know who you are. You're these dorks from season four!" Joey shouted in his loud and unnerving voice.  
Valon lifted his head a bit, staring dumbfounded at Joey. "Season four?" he repeated disbelievingly before concluding: "Must have to do with the brain damage you gave him. Hit him, Rafael."

There was a soft thud followed by a yelp.

"Cheers mate," Valon nodded to Rafael who was standing stoically behind Joey, "But why did you use a rolled-up newspaper?"

"I figured, since he is 'Special K's' little lap dog, this would be an appropriate punishment," Rafael replied.

"Nyeh, what's that supposed to mean?" Joey groaned, "Who's 'Special K'?"

"It's this synonym we use because when we say 'Kaiba', Alister goes berserk," Valon explained.

Several minutes and a lot of cold towels on Alister's forehead later, Rafael sat down beside Joey, catching his breath and glaring at Valon.  
Valon smiled innocently and shrugged: "No worries, mate?"

Rafael shrugged likewise, inspecting the demolished double-door with mild disinterest.  
"I never would have thought he could smash through them with his bare hands," he added intrigued, "by the way: Someone ought to tell Dartz about it. Not it."

"Not it!" came the muffled reply instantly from about floor-level, where Alister was having a lie-down.  
"Not it!" Joey added just in case.

"Damnit!" Valon exclaimed before shooting Joey an angry look. "Now listen you brain-amputated duffer, this is serious. We need to settle this once and for all. You can't keep running after my Sheila like the dog that you are."

Rafael glanced at Valon doubtfully. "Is this really what you wanted to say?" he asked and sighed.  
"Shut up," snapped Valon.  
"Who's Sheila?" Joey asked, staring back and forth between the two of them.  
"It's what Australian stereotypes say when they mean 'an attractive girl'," Rafael replied wearily.  
"I always thought Sheila was a name," Joey went on.  
"And I always thought Joey was a name for a baby kangaroo and not a furry," Valon replied before kicking Rafael's shin beneath the table, "And I mean it. Stop chasing after her!"

"After who?" Joey asked before Rafael whacked his head again with the newspaper.  
"It's 'after whom', you moron," Rafael corrected.  
"I still don't know _whom_ you're talking about!" Joey yelled, casting a sideway-glance worriedly at the rolled-up newspaper Rafael was still holding threateningly.

"Well, take a guess! How many female characters does this show have?" Valon asked, rolling his eyes in annoyance.  
Joey counted quietly while staring intently at his tied hands.

"The odds are one to six that you're going say the right name," Valon sighed after a while.  
"Hey, that's not fair," Joey shouted, "Apart from Téa, Mai, my sister, Rebecca and Ishizu there's only this generic-female-housekeeper character that picked up Yugi's grandpa from hospital, but she only appeared in the Japanese version. So it's just one to five."  
"Six," repeated Valon smugly, "You forgot Alister."

"Sod off," Alister groaned while climbing back into a chair, slapping Valon with his wet towel.

"Moving on…" Valon mumbled while rubbing his cheek, "Just to be clear: Mai belongs to me. So don't get your hopes up. And if ya really want to do me a favour you could drop dead right now so I don't have to challenge you to a children's card game in a few episodes."

"You guys brought me here just to say that?" Joey exclaimed exaggeratedly.  
" _I_ brought you here to say that," Valon explained, "Alister helped me because he thinks you've got a nice bum."  
"I'm so going to kill you," Alister growled while tossing the remaining towels in Valon's direction.

There was a surprised "Nyeh!" as something brushed against Joey's leg.  
"I see you've got yourself a pet dog in your hideout," he stated as his fingers touched a wet nose lingering beneath the table.  
"Not exactly," Valon replied as a dark, complanate head with long whiskers emerged.  
"And besides it's hardly a hideout if we're sitting in a neat conference room with smashed doors, thanks Alister, in broad daylight," Rafael added patronizingly.  
"So where are we exactly?" Joey, who'd momentarily forgotten about the dark menace rising from underneath the table, asked.

"If I said 'Somewhere in Florida' would that be specific enough?" Rafael asked.  
"Nyeh, okay," Joey shrugged.  
A tongue lapping at his face caused him to flinch. Enraged he pressed his nose against the animal's wet muzzle. "And what's that thing?"

"That's the seal of Orichalcos," Rafael explained.  
Joey stared at it, dumbfounded. "I thought the Seal of Orichalcos was a card," he said, trying to keep the seal from licking his chin again.  
"It _is_ ," Rafael went on and rolled his eyes, "And then there's this pet-seal of Dartz. You may have noticed the Seal of Orichalcos engraved on the tag around the seal's neck. Basically it's just a lame joke."

"A Seal on a seal?" Joey remarked dimwittedly. He hardly flinched as the newspaper was brought down hard on his head.

"We just call him 'Britney'," Alister added, "Even though it's a 'he'."  
"How do you know that anyway?" Valon asked.  
Alister shrugged. "I just know, alright?"  
Valon nodded. "Yeah, right. Female intuition."

A mackerel hit his face.  
"Come and get it, Britney," Alister exclaimed cheerfully while holding up a bucket full of fish.

"Who calls a seal Britney?" Joey asked, mesmerized by the seal's somersaults.  
"Don't look at me," Valon looked at him innocently, "My first choice in girlish names would have been 'Alister'."

The seal caught the herring rebounding from Valon's face in mid-air.

Joey and Rafael watched in awkward silence how the seal jumped up and down in excitement while waiting for more treats.

"It's strange," Rafael mumbled, "Britney always seemed extremely attached to Alister."  
"There's definitely something fishy about that," Joey added, feeling the need to contribute something mind-numbing to this conversation.  
"Well, that's definitely Alister's fanny," Valon said, trying to dodge another fish coming his way.

"I never thought you'd score a hit while facing the other way," Rafael complimented Alister while Valon was rubbing his cheek again.  
"It was a fluke," Alister replied, adding, after giving it some consideration "Ha!"

"Crikey," groaned Valon as he leaned back in his chair, "Alister's moody and it's not even that time of the month."

There was an enraged yell, accompanied by the sound of a bucket full of fish hitting the floor, followed by a thud as Alister lunged at Valon.

Quietly Rafael guided Joey's steps towards the demolished double-door.

"We'll just pretend this never happened," Rafael stated firmly as he pushed Joey out of the room. Joey looked back over his shoulder one last time to witness Alister's attempt to strangle Valon with an eel.

As Joey approached the elevator, hopping awkwardly due to the fact that his legs were still tied together, he tried to ignore the continuing hubbub in the meeting room.  
"I sure hope this elevator is operated by voice-recognition," Joey said to himself as he stared down at his tied hands.

The elevator's doors closed, annoyingly sedating music luckily drowning out the distant shouts and crashes.

"Get off him!"  
"Let go off that fish!"  
"Uurg-uurg-uurgh!"  
"Shut up Britney!"

* * *

 **Some more Author's Notes: By the way: for some reason they were mistaking Joey's 'Nyeh' for the French 'neige'. So Alister was kinda right.  
Thanks for reading.  
**


End file.
